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Anatoly Vorobey

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программистский юмор (англ.) [июл. 4, 2011|12:26 am]
Anatoly Vorobey
(из внутрирабочего мемохранилища. Для тех, кому любопытно, вот ссылка на истоки жанра)

  • You have a problem and decide to use recursion.
    Now you have a problem.

  • You have a problem and decide to use Java.
    Now you have a ProblemFactory.

  • You have a problem and decide to use Python.
    Now you don't know what you have. Could be an int, a string, a list or a problem.

  • You have a problem and decide to use threads.
    Two now problems have you.

  • You have a problem and decide to use Lisp.
    Now you have a list of problems.

  • You have a problem and decide to use locks.
    Now you have

  • You have a problem and decide to use delegation.
    Now your problem is your problem's problem.

  • You have a problem and decide to use anagrams.
    Now you have lamb rope.

...И мой любимый вариант...

  • You have a problem and decide to dissolve it in water.
    Now you have a solution.
СсылкаОтветить

Comments:
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[User Picture]From: dmarck
2011-07-03 09:31 pm
Толя, всё прекрасно, спасибо.

Мне вот ещё очень про (дед)локи понравилось.
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[User Picture]From: fyysik
2011-07-03 09:34 pm
про анаграммы не понял(
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[User Picture]From: farsh
2011-07-03 09:57 pm
a problem -> lamb rope :)
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[User Picture]From: mother_owl
2011-07-03 10:02 pm
последняя прикольная))
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From: (Anonymous)
2011-07-03 10:11 pm
Можно продолжить.

You have a problem and decide to use Haskell.
Now you have an infinite list of problems.

You have a problem and decide to use Oracle.
Now the problem has you for lunch.

You have a problem and decide to use Apple.
Now you have a license to have a problem on any three computers you own.

Чего-то не шибко креативно получается. Народная мудрость, ее ить соплей не перешибешь-от.
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[User Picture]From: avva
2011-07-03 10:21 pm
Моя попытка:

You have a problem and decide to use Apple.
Now you have a shiny problem.

You have a problem and decide to implement your own binary search tree.
Now you have a belmopr.

You have a problem and decide to use pair programming.
Now you have someone else's problem.


Edited at 2011-07-03 22:22 (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: zigmar
2011-07-03 10:24 pm
Отлично, спасибо!

Еше вспомнилось (можно при желание подогнать по канон):
Every problem can be solved by adding another abstraction level. Except a problem of having too many abstraction levels.
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[User Picture]From: spamsink
2011-07-03 11:30 pm
До ООП это говорилось про indirections.
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[User Picture]From: sutasu
2011-07-03 10:44 pm
упер к себе, не удержался )
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[User Picture]From: spamsink
2011-07-03 11:29 pm
Now you have a solution.

But the problem is in the precipitate.
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[User Picture]From: ninazino
2011-07-03 11:30 pm
Ha-ha! No perl:))
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[User Picture]From: salas
2011-07-04 12:55 am
a perl mob?
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[User Picture]From: french_man
2011-07-03 11:35 pm
Твой лубимый - самый лучший.
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[User Picture]From: rip_someday
2011-07-04 12:17 am

my attempt

You have a problem and decide to use perl.
Now noone can tell what the problem is looking at your solution.

You have a problem and decide to use google.
Now you know 31,457 ways to describe your problem and around 15 completely wrong solutions for it.

You have a problem and decide to use make.
Now you know how to make problems.

You have a problem and decide to upgrade to paid version.
Now you have a real Pro blem.

You have a problem and decide to use workaround.
Now you have to work around a clock to fix it.

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[User Picture]From: zubmudrosty
2011-07-06 08:56 am

Re: my attempt

прекрасно!
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[User Picture]From: catpad
2011-07-04 01:51 am

Длинное, но можно укоротить

You have a problem and decide to use Prolog.
Now:
?- have(X, problem).
you.
?- have(you, Y).
problem.
?- have(you, problem).
Yes.


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[User Picture]From: shure
2011-07-04 01:05 pm

Re: Длинное, но можно укоротить

Now have(you, problem).
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[User Picture]From: malfet_
2011-07-04 02:50 am
Отличный список.

You have a problem and decide to use google.
Now you have over million of solutions.
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From: (Anonymous)
2011-07-04 03:00 am
Now you have about 17,000,000 solution (search took 0.02 seconds).
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[User Picture]From: msh
2011-07-04 03:07 am
You have a problem and decide to use Agile.
Now you have an epic problem.
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[User Picture]From: meshko
2011-07-04 03:40 am

отличные

Любимая напомнила
if you are not part of the solution you are part of the precipitate

You have a problem and decide to use dependency injection.
Now you depend on the problem.

You have a problem and decide to use closures.
Now you have the problem in your environment.

You have a problem and decide to use SCRUM.
Now you talk about the problem every day.

You have a problem and decide to use UML.
Now you are in hell.
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[User Picture]From: pargentum
2011-07-04 05:18 am

Re: отличные

if you are not part of the solution you are part of the precipitate
Это какой-то химический юмор уже.
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From: bearmf
2011-07-04 04:09 am
> You have a problem and decide to use threads.
> Two now problems have you.
Тонко!
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From: grep.myopenid.com
2011-07-04 04:57 am

Попробую продолжить

You have a problem and decided to use open source.
Now the community has a problem.

You have a problem and decided to use cloud.
Now you have to pay for every instance of a problem.

You have a problem and decided to use map/reduce.
Now you can easily scale your problem.
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[User Picture]From: isk
2011-07-04 06:54 am
You have a problem and decided to use jQuery
now you have a $('problem')

You have a problem and decided to use Haskell
now you have a lazy problem
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[User Picture]From: isk
2011-07-04 07:02 am

переиначеное старое

You have a problem and decided to use Forth
problem a have you now
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[User Picture]From: plakhov
2011-07-04 07:35 am
You have a problem and decide to use С.
ow you have a pYou have a problem and decide to use С.
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[User Picture]From: avva
2011-07-04 07:39 am
You have a problem and decide to use STL.
Now you have a _Hashtable_iterator<std::pair<const basic_string<char, str::char_traits<char>, std::allocator<char> >, int>, basic_string<char, std::char_traits<char>, std::allocator<char > >...
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[User Picture]From: orkatt
2011-07-04 07:58 am
You have a problem and decide to use XP.
Now you have the monkey-problem.
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[User Picture]From: egle
2011-07-04 08:33 am
:D
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[User Picture]From: a_bronx
2011-07-04 08:37 am
You have a deferred problem and decide to use short-circuit evaluation.
Now your problem is current.

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[User Picture]From: a_bronx
2011-07-04 08:54 am

Скорее всего кто-то уже додумался до этого варианта:

You have a problem and decide to try exception handling.
Now you have exceptional problems.
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[User Picture]From: dimrub
2011-07-04 09:21 am
Ты забыл еще вот этот, например:

You have a problem and decide to use STL
Now you have a _Hashtable_iterator<std::pair<const basic_string<char, std::char_traits<char>, std::allocator<char> >, int>, basic_string<char, std::char_traits<char>, std::allocator<char> >...
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[User Picture]From: dimrub
2011-07-04 09:23 am
А так же вот это очень нравится: You have a problem, and decide to use floating point.
Now you have 2.00000001 problems.
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[User Picture]From: _1313
2011-07-04 09:34 am
You have a problem and decide to use HTML.
Now you have a <big>problem</big>
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[User Picture]From: moon_aka_sun
2011-07-04 01:01 pm
You have a problem and decide to use J.
Now you have a puzzle.
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