Anatoly Vorobey (avva) wrote,
Anatoly Vorobey
avva

цитаты (англ.)

Раз в полтора года где-то случайно попадаю на bash.org (сайт смешных цитат с IRC), и не могу оторваться — хожу и читаю цитаты всякие. Вот то, что понравилось на этот раз. Всё по-английски, качество очень разное, юмор нередко странный или завязан на американских/компьютерных/irc-шных реалиях, так что совершенно не гарантирую, что понравится.




<Picco|0z> {[io_sreep]} Can you explain what RAID is to me?
<halcy0n> isn’t it two harddrives where one holds all the 1’s and the other holds all the 0’s?


<DisgruntledBadger> Why do they call it tourist season if we can’t shoot them?


<Orajim> I was in the bathroom today and written above one of the urinals said “The joke isn’t on the wall, it’s in your hands”
<Orajim> I never felt so small in my life.


<Monsoon`> people are stupider than previously imagined
<Monsoon`> My roommate talked to a customer today, told him to right-click on something. So the customer got a pen and paper, and proceeded to write “click” on it.


<mixi_dk> Im such a perfectist
<mixi_dk> *pefettionist
<mixi_dk> *perfectonst
<mixi_dk> God dammit!
<mixi_dk> perfrecsist
<mixi_dk> OKAY! I give up!
<MikeClassic> Why? perfectionist is easy to spell..?
<mixi_dk> How did you do that?!


<quik-silver> You know, life really IS like a box of chocolates
<quik-silver> A cheap, meaningless gift that noone ever asks for


<Kanush> it’s funny, when I tell someone I’m an insomniac they almost always say “that’s odd, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow” which is odd becuase I don’t go around telling blind people “that’s odd because I can see perfectly”


Слишком длинная цитата, чтобы включать её полностью.


<neo_alex> my maths teacher who looks like gandalf set us a fucking hard half yearly exam
<neo_alex> i was just expecting him to go “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”


<cheerios> LITTLE GOLDEN BOOKS THAT NEVER MADE IT:
<cheerios> 1. You Are Different and That’s Bad
<cheerios> 2. The Boy Who Died From Eating Too Many Vegetables
<cheerios> 3. Daddy’s New Wife Robert
<cheerios> 4. The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking
<cheerios> 5. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mommy Stopped Loving Her
<cheerios> 6. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
<cheerios> 7. That’s it, I’m Putting You Up for Adoption
<cheerios> 8. Grandpa Gets a Casket
<cheerios> 9. Strangers Have the Best Candy
<cheerios> 10. You Were an Accident
<cheerios> 11. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
<cheerios> 12. Sometimes Your Nightmares Are Real
<cheerios> 13. And Where Would You Like to Be Buried, Li’l Timmy?
<cheerios> 14. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
<cheerios> 15. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry




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