Anatoly Vorobey (avva) wrote,
Anatoly Vorobey

о переводах общего воздуха

Интересная запись tema о поиске переводчика для сайта. Серьезный подход к отсеиванию кандидатов, но многое вместе с тем спорно.

В частности, все восемь вариантов перевода в конце записи кажутся мне полными неидиоматичных конструкций. Может быть, это косвенно подтверждает бытующее среди профессиональных переводчиков мнение, что перевод с языка X на язык Y следует поручать носителю языка Y, а не языка X.

В подзамочной записи в другом журнале я набросал в комментарии свои замечания об этих восьми вариантах. Вот мои придирки, выношу их сюда. В их тексте я довольно быстро перешел на англ., потому что так легче.

Я вижу проблемы, связаные с неидиоматичностью, во всех 8 вариантах перевода. Начиная с конца:

8: стилистически очень неудачное "for" в первом предложении. agents - неудачное слово. В третьем абзаце: лучше не advertising, а advertisements/ads, лучше не place, а space. Direct instruction should be quoted when it's used the second time. The button "view the annoying ad" is awkward.

7. The generic he ("his") feels dated and out of place nowadays. The final sentence in the first paragraph - despite have not been - is ungrammatical. "must not stick out of this space a pixel" doesn't work in English. “waving hands” in user’s face - the user's face.

6. a popular prank was to wave one's hands... "one's" is a bit stilted for this kind of text, "your hands" is better. Air's for everyone! - I feel this needs an article. no one was touching or insulting them - good, but a generic he later on spoils it. we had come to the site to look at. - too literary, because there was no past tense before it in the sentence; just "we came" is better.

that says 'view annoying advertisement.' - I think 'view an annoying advertisement' is better. Nor should the button 'view annoying advertisement' - awkward; I'd say either "the ... button" or "the button titled ...".

5. In junior high school they used - just "junior high" is idiomatic. ...intimidated by that, although no one... - "even though" is better.

the space assigned for useful information - "assigned to" is slightly better.

designated place - "space". "Place" is too generic, too high-level, too conceptual a noun in English for the kind of work these translations try to employ it for. In English, we have "parking spaces" and not "parking places" for a similar reason.

They're not supposed to be one pixel bigger than that - "even one pixel". Clicking "See an annoying ad" button - lacks a the. is not to be placed - stilted; "shouldn't be placed". Generic he.

4. Air belongs to everyone - lacks a the. on top of it, is just as annoying - the comma's superfluous. Generic he.

3. Everybody would take such behaviour humiliating - ungrammatical; "as humiliating" works.

to see an ad* in the Internet - in the Internet? On! On! On the internet! And actually, people just say "on the web".

2. used to love to wave their hands - love waving. Anyone who had that done to them felt put down - awkward to parse. "Anyone who was subjected to that" is vastly better.

Watch Annoying Ad. - better with an an.

1. Air is common! - lacks a the. Anybody would feel umiliated - erm.

Irritation and dislike are caused by any advertisement... - this syntax is more silly in English than in the original Russian.

Generic he. Neither has the button... - "nor" is better.
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