Anatoly Vorobey (avva) wrote,
Anatoly Vorobey
avva

программистский юмор (англ.)

(из внутрирабочего мемохранилища. Для тех, кому любопытно, вот ссылка на истоки жанра)

  • You have a problem and decide to use recursion.
    Now you have a problem.

  • You have a problem and decide to use Java.
    Now you have a ProblemFactory.

  • You have a problem and decide to use Python.
    Now you don't know what you have. Could be an int, a string, a list or a problem.

  • You have a problem and decide to use threads.
    Two now problems have you.

  • You have a problem and decide to use Lisp.
    Now you have a list of problems.

  • You have a problem and decide to use locks.
    Now you have

  • You have a problem and decide to use delegation.
    Now your problem is your problem's problem.

  • You have a problem and decide to use anagrams.
    Now you have lamb rope.

...И мой любимый вариант...

  • You have a problem and decide to dissolve it in water.
    Now you have a solution.
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Толя, всё прекрасно, спасибо.

Мне вот ещё очень про (дед)локи понравилось.
про анаграммы не понял(
a problem -> lamb rope :)

fyysik

8 years ago

последняя прикольная))

Anonymous

July 3 2011, 22:11:10 UTC 8 years ago

Можно продолжить.

You have a problem and decide to use Haskell.
Now you have an infinite list of problems.

You have a problem and decide to use Oracle.
Now the problem has you for lunch.

You have a problem and decide to use Apple.
Now you have a license to have a problem on any three computers you own.

Чего-то не шибко креативно получается. Народная мудрость, ее ить соплей не перешибешь-от.

avva

July 3 2011, 22:21:19 UTC 8 years ago Edited:  July 3 2011, 22:22:11 UTC

Моя попытка:

You have a problem and decide to use Apple.
Now you have a shiny problem.

You have a problem and decide to implement your own binary search tree.
Now you have a belmopr.

You have a problem and decide to use pair programming.
Now you have someone else's problem.

igorbor

8 years ago

reut

8 years ago

avva

8 years ago

rukenau

8 years ago

egle

8 years ago

Anonymous

8 years ago

Anonymous

8 years ago

Anonymous

8 years ago

Отлично, спасибо!

Еше вспомнилось (можно при желание подогнать по канон):
Every problem can be solved by adding another abstraction level. Except a problem of having too many abstraction levels.
До ООП это говорилось про indirections.
упер к себе, не удержался )
Now you have a solution.

But the problem is in the precipitate.
Ha-ha! No perl:))
a perl mob?

dimrub

8 years ago

beldmit

8 years ago

Anonymous

8 years ago

lin_chao_monk

8 years ago

beldmit

8 years ago

Твой лубимый - самый лучший.
You have a problem and decide to use perl.
Now noone can tell what the problem is looking at your solution.

You have a problem and decide to use google.
Now you know 31,457 ways to describe your problem and around 15 completely wrong solutions for it.

You have a problem and decide to use make.
Now you know how to make problems.

You have a problem and decide to upgrade to paid version.
Now you have a real Pro blem.

You have a problem and decide to use workaround.
Now you have to work around a clock to fix it.

прекрасно!
You have a problem and decide to use Prolog.
Now:
?- have(X, problem).
you.
?- have(you, Y).
problem.
?- have(you, problem).
Yes.


Отличный список.

You have a problem and decide to use google.
Now you have over million of solutions.

Anonymous

July 4 2011, 03:00:33 UTC 8 years ago

Now you have about 17,000,000 solution (search took 0.02 seconds).
You have a problem and decide to use Agile.
Now you have an epic problem.
Любимая напомнила
if you are not part of the solution you are part of the precipitate

You have a problem and decide to use dependency injection.
Now you depend on the problem.

You have a problem and decide to use closures.
Now you have the problem in your environment.

You have a problem and decide to use SCRUM.
Now you talk about the problem every day.

You have a problem and decide to use UML.
Now you are in hell.
if you are not part of the solution you are part of the precipitate
Это какой-то химический юмор уже.
> You have a problem and decide to use threads.
> Two now problems have you.
Тонко!
You have a problem and decided to use open source.
Now the community has a problem.

You have a problem and decided to use cloud.
Now you have to pay for every instance of a problem.

You have a problem and decided to use map/reduce.
Now you can easily scale your problem.
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