Anatoly Vorobey (avva) wrote,
Anatoly Vorobey
avva

как я познакомился с женой

Вот старая и очень смешная шутка, требующая, однако, хорошего знания английского языка. В этом небольшом рассказике в каждом предложении какое-то слово или фраза (а иногда несколько) являются положительными формами - неиспользуемыми на самом деле - отрицательных идиом. Проще всего объяснить на примере: это как если бы рассказ по-русски был написан со словами типа "победимый", "уклюжий", "дуг", "дотрога", годовать", и так далее. Не припоминаю такого рассказа по-русски, но думаю, кто-то написал - если есть хороший, киньте ссылку.

Если все абсолютно слова и фразы вам понятны (и смешны), можете поздравить себя с весьма приличным словарным запасом в английском. Если не все - не расстраивайтесь, тут действительно много относительно редких литературных слов.

How I Met My Wife
By Jack Winter
(Published July 25, 1994 in The New Yorker)

It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.

I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way. I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I’d have to make bones about it since I was travelling cognito.

Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn’t be peccable.

Only toward and heard-of behaviour would do. Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or a sung hero were slim.

I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion. So I decided not to risk it.

But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads and tails of. I was plussed. It was concerting to see that she was communicado, and it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen.
Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capacitated as if this were something I was great shakes at, and forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times.

So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings. Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous.

Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking about the hors d’oeuvres, trying to abuse her of the notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about myself. She responded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savoury character who was up to some good. She told me who she was. “What a perfect nomer,” I said advertently.

The conversation became more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me. To my delight, she was committal.

We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love, and she has requited it.
Tags: английский, юмор
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