Как раз вчера я перечитывал "Глубокие мысли" Джена Хэнди (Jack Handey или иногда Jack Handy) — это такой американский аналог Козьмы Пруткова, насколько я могу судить (выдуманный персонаж, рассказывающий свои глубокие высказывания в телепрограмме Saturday Night Live). О них напомнил dyak и подхватил bubnov. В обоих записях есть несколько особенно понравившихся этим юзерам "мыслей", а большие коллекции есть, например, здесь, здесь, и ещё в куче мест, достаточно спросить у Гугля.
Мне нравится их довольно специфический юмор.
Да, так вот, одна из глубоких мыслей:
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
Ещё несколько хороших:
- The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
- I think people tend to forget that trees are living creatures. They're sort of like dogs. Huge, quiet, motionless dogs, with bark instead of fur.
- One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is, don't run with a wooden stake.
- Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me?
- Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room talking to you, which is why I don't like to read good books.
- I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
- As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
- Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
- If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
- Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.
- If you're robbing a bank and your pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
- I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.
- I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.
- Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by Man.
- It's fascinating to think that all around us there's an invisible world we can't even see. I'm speaking, of course, of the World of the Invisible Scary Skeletons.
- The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.
- Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder. But not any man is capable of being a good camper. So, murder and camping are not as similar as you might think.
- It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.
- Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.
- I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed shrink is our friend.
- Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me? Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.